By John W. Lillpop
Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) has embarked on an ambitious agenda for “Cleaning the U.S. House” once she assumes control. There is, of course, the unfinished business of the November 7 elections to consider, but Congresswoman Pelosi regards the election itself to be a minor detail, unworthy of undue distraction.
To Americans still on the fence about the election, please think about the likely agenda that Pelosi would pursue:
Impeachment of George W. Bush
Pelosi and her supporters are all but guaranteed to impeach the president if elected. Pelosi is likely to make “swearing at George W. Bush” her first item of business after the obligatory “swearing in” of the new congress.
Withdrawal of Troops From Iraq
Once President Bush has been dealt with, Pelosi will move for the immediate withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Iraq. She will ask that the 150,000 troops in Iraq be placed on “stand by” for assignment to Haiti or other location where there is absolutely no legitimate American interest at stake.
Congresswoman Pelosi will also ask that American military force be available to seize any Wal-Mart store that refuses to cover 100% of employee health care costs, or to pay a minimum wage of $25 an hour.
Tax as You Go
To any liberal worth his or her weight in "Impeach George Bush!” bumper stickers, nothing is more distressing than a tax cut involving the return of money to those who actually paid taxes.
Mind you, Democrats see nothing morally or economically wrong with passing out tax refunds to illegal immigrants, the homeless, or others who paid no taxes to begin with.
Should the Democrats prevail next month, look for Nancy Pelosi to try to reverse the Bush tax cuts and push her mindless “pay as you go” scheme—which is really tax as you go!
Apology for “Ugly American” Behavior
Democrats would like nothing better than to issue a blanket apology to the world for America’s wrongheaded policies while Republicans controlled the White House and or either chamber of the Congress.
Such a declaration would specifically apologize to all Muslims, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, Kim Jong Il, leaders of the former USSR, and assorted other nice guys for the boorish, America first, behavior of Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and both U.S. presidents answering to the moniker George Bush.
Forgiveness of Terrorists
If Speaker Pelosi were to have her way, the United States would issue a formal statement of forgiveness to Osama bin Laden and the original 19 hijackers of 9/11 notoriety. The Pelosi statement would declare that, all things considered, America probably deserved 9/11.
The statement would include a thank-you message to bin Laden for delaying the World Trade Center attack until Bill Clinton was safely out of office, thereby allowing Democrats to blame George W. Bush for 9/11. Pelosi would also make it a federal “hate crime” to draw derisive cartoons, speak in a disparaging manner, or otherwise offend Islam, the prophet, Allah, the Koran, or Osama bin Laden.
Free Pilot Training
In the name of acceptance and to demonstrate that real Americans do not hold grudges, Ms. Pelosi would propose to provide free training and licenses to young Middle-Eastern men from terrorist-sponsoring nations who speak Arabic and who have always dreamed of flying jumbo jets. This program would not cover plane landings.
America’s New Manifest Destiny
In an attempt to chart a bold and exciting new direction to American history, Pelosi would propose a revised “Manifest Destiny” for the 21st century. Pelosi’s plan would entitle impoverished Latinos to enter the United States for whatever purpose, and at the time, date, and location of the migrants’ choosing.
In addition, anyone able to speak Spanish would be granted immediate U.S. citizenship, including voting rights, with no further qualification required. Pelosi would establish an “Open Borders” policy at our southern border, and makes it a federal “hate crime” to speak English when addressing illegal aliens with Hispanic surnames.
Land Grants to Illegal Aliens
This program would guarantee 160 acres of free land to each Latino family moving illegally to America.
Under the provisions of a new “Eminent domain” statute, the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) would be authorized to seize property owned by Caucasian Christians registered as Republicans, and to immediately Quit Claim deed such property to illegal aliens.
Sharing her liberal philosophy and experience as a San Francisco resident with the rest of the nation, Pelosi would insist on a federal program to subsidize transgender surgeries for anyone without the means to pay for this essential health service.
The program would cover up to three back and forth surgeries per person. After that, the matter would have to be resolved between the transgender and his/her/her/his/her/his (or whatever) God.
Jimmy Carter International Airport
Given the opportunity, Democrats would rename the Ronald Reagan International Airport the Jimmy Carter International Airport to commemorate the enormous contributions made the 39th U.S. president.
Pelosi would praise Carter for his “kinder, gentler” foreign policy, including his adroit handling of the Iranian crisis in 1978. She would ignore the fact that, without President Carter, there would be no Islamic terrorist threat in the world today.
Cosmetic Convenience Center on Capitol Hill
Yielding ever so slightly to her own personal vanity, Speaker Pelosi would work for the creation of a cosmetic convenience center on Capitol Hill. Pelosi's personal, full-time plastic surgeon would be housed in the convenience center.
This effort could easily develop into a nasty partisan battle because it would convert office space currently occupied by Republican lawmakers into tanning booths, botox operating rooms, and crisis “help” lines for transgender folks just out of surgery.
Although Pelosi’s more radical notions are still being drafted, this list should provide a red flag for any American who really cares about the future of our great nation!
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!