Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Pandemic Proliferation

By John W. Lillpop

Did I sleep through the “Avian Bird Flu” pandemic? It seems like only yesterday that the media were warning that millions of lives could be lost to this killer, even in advanced nations like America.

President Bush even announced that the United States could be hit hard but that we were ready. The best and brightest bureaucrats, having finished their good work on Katrina, were now working 24/7 to protect Americans against “evil-doer” birds.

Mr. Bush issued his warnings several months ago. Except for a few isolated cases overseas, the Avian Bird Flu appears to have flown the coop.

However, just when one is ready to celebrate the eradication of one pandemic, another life-threatening malady is showcased. This time it is the “Obesity Pandemic “ that has medical professionals wringing their chubby hands with angst.

Imagine this, if you can. I recently put on 35 pounds to be strong enough to ward off Avian Bird Flu, and now they tell me that obesity is the greater threat.

All of which illustrates a profound truth: It’s a dangerous world out there, partner! If bird flu does not do you in, too many Twinkies and Snicker bars will. And if sugar does not end your days, then Al Gore’s global warming or Osama bin Laden’s terrorism will give you a right good going over.

Oh, for the good old days when life was so much less complicated! Back then, most Americans would have thought that “Pandemic” was a canal somewhere on a remote corner of the globe, or a secret garnish in Aunt Ann’s world-famous potato salad.

Those were the days when most blokes had the decency and good manners to croak before age 50, thereby saving their families loads of grief and money!

John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal.