Erectile Function Is an Inalienable RIGHT

By John W. Lillpop

As men in the "boomer" generation reach the later stages of life, a new medical ailment is driving millions of once virile, confident men to tears and shame.

Namely, the dreaded ED, as in Erectile Dysfunction.

ED, pervasive among men in their 50s and 60s, has spawned a new family of medicines devised to treat the debilitating loss of performance in life's most vital game.

The sports analogy is "He got game!"

Men with ED "got no game."

But thanks to some nerdy scientist, who has probably never witnessed the awesome beauty of the disrobed female anatomy in person, American men now have Viagra.

We call it Blue Magic.

In sports vernacular, "We got game again!"

Hallelujah and glory be to the goddess of love!

The only side effect with Viagra is the danger of heart attack from too much excitement. But what the heck, no drug is perfect. Right?

But, the medicine is a bit pricey.

In order to determine what can be done to make Viagra accessible to all men, we contracted with beltway insider Opel Bijiquiovarti for a research project. The objective was to determine what legislative steps should be taken to make Blue Magic an integral and automatic part of the American Dream.

Bijiquiovarti, a constitutional scholar and part-time assistant pharmacist at the CIA, released the following findings, but only on the condition of anonymity:

The Bijiquiovarti findings:

* Erectile Function (EF) is an inalienable right guaranteed by the United States Constitution.

* The right to EF is found in the same section of the Constitution that guarantees a woman's right to an abortion, and is adjacent to the Constitutional requirement that mandates separation of church and state.

* Because EF is an inalienable right, Viagra must be made available to all males diagnosed with ED. For men unable to afford the medicine, Bijiquiovarti has learned that state and local governments must provide Blue Magic free of charge. No exceptions!

Congratulations to Bijiquiovarti for his outstanding research and reporting expertise!

Coming as it does so close to Valentine's Day, the Bijiquiovarti report is the most exciting news since the Emancipation Proclamation.

Thanks again, Dr. Bijiquiovarti!


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

America Urgently Needs President Michael Savage in 2008!

By John W. Lillpop

Did I hear the news correctly? Michael Savage is mulling a run for the presidency?

Hallelujah!

President Michael Savage in the Oval Office would be a blessing to America, and would be a positive answer to millions of conservative prayers.

In fact, a Savage presidency may the only hope for saving America from liberal nitwits like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, not to mention RINOs and our "conservative" president.

Dr. Savage believes in American "borders, language, and culture."

With Dr. Savage at the bully pulpit, there would be no open borders, no amnesty for 30 million third-world criminals, and no multicultural lies like "diversity is our greatest strength" and other such foolishness.

Savage is one of the few straight shooters with the guts and brains to tell it like it really is. He is unafraid to remind people that American culture is superior to all others in the world, bar none--which is why nearly everyone in the world wants to move here.

The good doctor is right on ALL issues--abortion, Islamofascists, taxes, religion, illegal aliens, government spending, affirmative action, size of government, free speech, activist judges, crime, and all the rest.

Savage is the conservatives' conservative--a man who would make Ronald Reagan and Goldwater beam with pride.

Those of us who live in the San Francisco Bay Area have had the extraordinary good fortune of listening to Savage preach the truth for about fourteen years. His radio career started as a weekend host on a San Francisco radio station better known for it's loony liberalism than common sense conservatism.

Savage's show turned out to be a beacon of hope in the hopeless fog of liberal extremism in the Bay Area.

One of Savage's greatest gifts, in addition to his daunting intelligence, is a blistering sense of humor. He has an uncanny ability to blend morbid news with a withering wit that leaves listeners alternatively sobbing and laughing hysterically.

Michael Savage would have been a terrific stand-up comic had he elected to pursue that line of work.

Instead, Savage earned a PhD. from, of all places, the University of California at Berkley. That experience alone qualifies Savage as our nation's greatest authority on battling anti-American liberalism.

Along the way, Savage authored around 20 books, including several that made it to the New York Times Bestseller list.

Can you imagine? The New York Times Bestseller list? Leftists at the "Old Gray Lady" must have gone into a towering rage each time a Savage book made it to number one! How sweet it is to contemplate the bitterness of that pill.

National radio syndication is Savage's latest success story. Again, those in the media and leftists in general are left pulling their hair out by the astounding appeal of this son of an immigrant who really "gets it" when it comes to being an American.

However great his radio work is, Dr. Savage is urgently needed for a much higher calling. How does Dr. Michael Savage, President of the United States, sound?

From where I am sitting, it sounds like a great idea whose idea has finally arrived!

Run, Michael, run!


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!