Sunday, December 30, 2007

Reminder to Iowa: Vote for Hillary, Early and Often, January 14!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

There is no eloquent way to say it: Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) has had a rotten fall and winter. Her woes began on Halloween when she flip flopped on the issue of driver's licenses for illegal aliens during a nationally televised debate.

Within the space of about two minutes, this "World Class Genius" took both sides of the issue and convinced millions of undecided voters that she is an indecisive, unprincipled opportunist who will say just about anything to steal another vote from among the unwashed masses.

To HRC's opponents, that dreary Halloween performance signaled a crack in the "inevitability" nonsense pushed by her campaign and the mainstream media. This woman was vulnerable after all. Talk of a second term was way, way too premature. There was still hope for America.

Since Halloween, Hillary's campaign has imploded even more, giving challengers Barack Obama and John Edwards a huge boost.

Obama is now in a position where he could very well capture the Iowa caucus, and Edwards has somehow managed to hang on with the wily skill of an obsessed trial lawyer nailed or glued to the back of an ambulance.

HRC's declining support has been aided and abetted by her meddling husband who is salivating at the prospect of moving back into the Oval Office and re-taking over the world. Given his criminal tendencies, Slick could become the first person in U.S. history to be impeached as both president and spouse of the president, the later only if HRC is elected.

Things have gotten so bad that pundits are now speculating that Hillary may be unable to win even a single caucus or state primary. Going from shoo-in to shut out in three months has removed some of the glitter from this deluded leftist and the mindless thugs who support her.

In a last ditch effort to establish her legacy as the first witch to win the Iowa caucus, HRC is offering a number of great prizes to DNC workers who register at least 10 illegal aliens (as HRC Democrats) in time for the January election.

Prizes include:

( ) The official Library of Congress copy of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," pinched from the home library of Clinton Security Adviser Sandy Berger;

( ) Britney Spears' Yahoo Email address and Gardening/Recovery "To Do" list for 2008;

( ) Free screen savers featuring a cyber-embossed invitation to the HRC inaugural ball in Moscow on January 20, 2009. Not redeemable for admittance outside Russia, except in San Francisco where proof of membership in the Communist party is required;

( ) Free Internet services, including paid subscriptions to specialized genaology search engines for Mormons seriously considering dumping Mitt Romney in favor of a real socialist; and

( ) A Copy of " Getting High on Marijuana In the Oval Office, Without Inhaling," authored and autographed by former President Bill Clinton. Forward includes two love poems penned by Monica Lewinski.

All of those great prizes and the hard work by the HRC campaign may be for naught, however, if voters follow the simple instructions provided in a sign and mail card handed out at a rally a couple of weeks ago.

The card reads, "I, _____, pledge to support Hillary Clinton at my precinct caucus on January 14, 2008."


Unfortunately for the Hildabeast, the caucus is January 3.

Here's hoping and praying that Iowa voters follow instructions exactly and wait until Janaury 14 to do their civic duty!