Saturday, December 08, 2007

More Viable Defense for an Indicted Liberal: Insanity or Stupidity?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Liberal radio talk-show host Bernie Ward was indicted on charges that he used the Internet to secure and distribute child pornography. These are very serious charges, even for a former Catholic priest in San Francisco.

Ward's legal team is rolling out a very creative defense strategy: Rather than denying that Ward dabbled in Kiddy Porn, his attorneys claim that Ward committed his felonies while doing research for a book he was writing on the subject of hypocrisy.

Research on hypocrisy?

Good grief, all Ward needed to do was look directly into the mirror. Having done so, he would have come face to face with the most obnoxious 300 pounds of hypocrisy in America!

Ward fancies himself to be an intellectual. But how many intelligent people really believe that a serious felony can be ignored by simply asserting that the crime was committed in order to gather research for a book?

Still, Bernie Ward's convoluted logic may help explain other behavior by prominent people in the news:

President Bill Clinton lied under oath and obstructed justice while researching the history of impeachment and constitutional law in the United States.

Senator Ted Kennedy asked the question, "Do we operate under a system of equal justice under law? Or is there one system for the average citizen and another for the high and mighty?"

Kennedy researched the issue in 1969 by drowning campaign worker Mary Jo Kopechne on Chappaquiddick Island, and by avoiding prosecution for murder because of his money and influence in Massachusetts.

William J. Jefferson, Democrat representative from Louisiana, was trying to determine the temperature at which American currency freezes. Which is why Rep. Jefferson accepted $100,000 in bribes and placed $90,000 of the take in his home freezer.

Senator Larry Craig, (R-Idaho) has always been concerned that the media uses a double standard in reporting sexual crimes, depending on whether the accused is a Democrat or Republican. In order to get to the bottom of the issue, Senator Craig did some research in the men's room at Minneapolis airport.

Sandy Berger sensed an urgent need for current literature concerning security at the National Archives. Ever the dutiful professional, Berger decided to research the subject by illegally removing highly classified documents from the National Archives and intentionally destroying some of said documents.

And so it is that the insanity which is liberalism once again threatens to disrupt, distort, or even destroy common sense in America.