Sunday, October 01, 2006
Why America Needs President Hillary Clinton in 2008
Satire by John W. Lillpop
With the possible exception of blaspheming the Holy Ghost, the most egregious sin a conservative can commit is to knowingly express anything positive about the junior senator from New York, Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Or to be more precise and less politically correct, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton.
However, egregious sin is actually my favorite summer pastime. So herewith, an endorsement of the unlovable Lady Clinton.
Mind you, I descend into Satan’s domain with eyes wide open, knowing that my license to practice hate mongering in the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy may be irreversibly revoked.
El Rushbo, Michael Savage, and Sean Hannity will no longer accept my collect calls.
But, alas, the pilgrim's path in never easy.
Let's face it, troops. George W. Bush is not Ronald Reagan, nor even George H. Bush for that matter.
A man claiming to be conservative has duped us.
He is a president who has presided over an unprecedented expansion of government and federal spending. Who has cavorted with the devil--AKA Teddy Kennedy--in No Child Left Behind; who speaks Spanish, but seems completely incapable of coherent English.
How can it possibly get worse?
In fact, assuming Republicans regain control of Congress, President Hillary Clinton could be a dramatic improvement.
You say what, Mr. Lillwhatever Pop?
For starters, conservatives would be emancipated from supporting a Republican-President-in-Name-Only (RPINO) who clearly regards fiscal responsibility and other basic conservative solutions as old hat, not cool.
Secondly, those wonderful conservative instincts that have served America so very well in the past would return to the GOP with a flourish if there were a President Hillary Clinton to battle with.
Consider the following:
How would a Republican Congress deal with a new entitlement program costing ten trillion dollars, if proposed by President Hillary Clinton?
Would a GOP Congress allow the national debt to grow wildly out of control, to the detriment of untold numbers of future generations, if a liberal Democrat were president?
What if Madam President refused to secure our borders in time of war, and had the gall to propose amnesty for 12-30 million illegal aliens?
Or what if she remained silent while the Mexican military escorted drug smugglers across the border into America?
What if President Hillary Clinton proposed to sell management of U.S. port security to an Arab nation with known links to terrorists?
Such situations emanating from a Hillary Clinton administration would rally Republicans to take immediate action, concerning themselves only with doing that which is in the best interests of the American people.
For those who may have lost sight of a simple truth, doing what is best for America means sticking to conservative values.
There would be other advantages as well.
President Hillary Clinton and Slick Willie might bring back some of that taxpayer-owned china and other booty pinched from the White House in late January, 2001.
Said booty would once again be on property owned by the people, until at least 2012 or 2016. That would be a good thing.
And with Slick Willie free to run wild in the Oval Office and adjoining back room again, there would surely be three or four sex scandals a year to investigate, providing unlimited blogging material for those of us who blog to the right (far?) of center.
Slick might even use all that sophisticated domestic spying apparatus at the White House to eavesdrop on lonely bimbos in Arkansas or Pakistan. He might even persuade Lady Clinton to do likewise, creating a perfect impeachable scenario for Republicans to adjudicate.
That would mean even more great blogging material for us right-wing nutcases.
All of which is why, as of this moment, I am almost convinced that a vote for Hillary is the most patriotic thing one can do in 2008!
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.