Monday, September 25, 2006

Testing One's "Liberal Quotient" on Illegal Immigration

By John W. Lillpop

Since the debate on illegal immigration is once again heating up, here is a quiz which will measure one's ''liberal quotient'' on this vital issue. ''Liberal quotient," of course, is the opposite of ''intelligence quotient'' or IQ.

I. Illegal immigration is:

( ) Desperately needed by liberals in order to win elections.
( ) A misnomer. They are actually undocumented Democrats!
( ) Mexico’s chief export.
( ) Not a threat to U.S. homeland security. Why would Mexican peasants destroy the land of free rice and tacos?


II. Border security should be:

( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce.
( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce and more Democrats.
( ) Turned over to Vicente Fox in the name of diversity.
( ) Used to keep Republicans out of the United States.


III. The proposed fence between the United States and Mexico is:

( ) A terrific idea, if built by firms owned by women and minorities.
( ) Unconstitutional. It discriminates against Mexicans too fat to climb over a fence.
( ) “Pork” in Red States, but economic necessity in blue states.


IV. The proposed Guest Worker Program:

( ) Is illegal if it prevents Mexicans from collecting welfare.
( ) Will work if guest workers are required to join a labor union.
( ) Should include free health care, driver's licenses, college degrees, and interest-free mortgages for illegal aliens.
( ) Sounds like amnesty, but Mexicans here illegally deserve amnesty!


V. Spanish versus English: Mexican illegal immigrants should:

( ) Be required to continue with Spanish as their only language because the Democratic National Committee has printed 30 million ballots in Spanish for the 2008 election.
( ) Be kept English-illiterate to avoid exposure to GOP lies and propaganda.
( ) Be taught ASAP those vital English words and phrases like welfare, food stamps, ACLU, racism, class-action lawsuit, Vote Democrat, six-pack of Cuervo, etc.


VI. Janet Napolitano, the Democrat governor of Arizona:

( ) Was for Illegal Immigration before she was against it.
( ) Was a “stealth” candidate in Mexico’s presidential election in early July.
( ) Thinks ''Minutemen'' is a reference to the sexual staying power of Border Patrol agents.


VII. In dealing with massive protests by illegal aliens, the most prudent action would be to:

( ) Send a ''Letter of Unconditional Surrender'' to Vicenete Fox along with a fully executed ''Quit Claim Deed to California, Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico.''
( ) Pardon all 20 million illegal aliens with an Executive Order signed by President Bush and approved by Vicente Fox.
( ) Hand out Spanish-language ballots for 2008 with Hillary Clinton’s name prepunched as a vote for president.
( ) Sell forged driver’s licenses and Social Security cards, and use
proceeds to buy ads opposing HR 4437.


Well, how did you do? Liberal enough to be considered ''anti-American''?
That is the goal of the DNC, you know!

John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal.