Friday, August 25, 2006

The S.F. Bay Area - Home to the Liberally Insane

By John W. Lillpop

In the interest of debunking numerous myths and exaggerations concerning liberalism in the San Francisco Bay Area, it is essential to disclose certain facts:

* It is NOT unlawful to vote Republican in San Francisco;

* A special permit is NOT required to fly the American flag, except on Cinco de Mayo day;

* Speaking English is NOT a hate crime, except at fast-food restaurants, car washes, and when speaking to those obviously here illegally;

* Flag-burning is NOT taught at state universities by convicted arsons and volunteer pyromaniacs;

* Bay Area newspapers are NOT edited and published in Moscow;

* Law enforcement job applicants are NOT required to prove they are transvestite, gay, handicapped, or a racial minority in order to qualify;

* The minimum wage is NOT $25.00 per hour (plus benefits), and is NOT an inviolate human right;

* Refusing to smoke marijuana when asked to by a police officer is NOT a felony;

* Working at Wal-Mart is NOT against state law, provided one can prove one is an illegal alien;

* Attending the church of one's choice on a regular basis does NOT automatically subject one to higher property taxes;

* Abortions are NOT available on The City's cable cars, but may be arranged through room service at most major hotels, and at progressive piano bars;

* Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer are NOT co-chairs of the San Francisco Mensa society;

* Exhaling second-hand smoke is NOT a special circumstance crime that makes one eligible for the death penalty if convicted;

* English-speaking seniors born and raised in the Bay Area are NOT required to demonstrate Spanish proficiency in order to qualify for social security;

* Displaying the logo of the U.S. Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines does NOT violate city or county ordinances, and is NOT necessarily an arrestable offense;

* Arabic-speaking terrorists are NOT a protected minority;

* Being a straight, white, employed, Christian male does NOT require one to notify the police before moving into a new neighborhood, and

* Seeing Al Gore's ''An Inconvenient Truth'' is NOT mandatory as long as one has concrete plans to leave America permanently within the next 90 days.

So while liberalism IS a severe and debilitating mental disorder afflicting millions of Bay Area residents, the good news is that an effective antidote, in the form of conservative values and common sense thinking, is in place and prospering.

John W Lillpop is a recovering liberal.