Saturday, November 18, 2006

Dear Dead Deer: One of Santa’s Best and Brightest Falls Prey to Bestiality

By John W. Lillpop

As if the news is not already foul enough, a recent case in Wisconsin drags the bar a few notches lower.

Bryan James Hathaway, a 20-year-old Wisconsin man with an apparent out-of-control fondness for venison, has been charged with engaging a deer in an affair of the flesh. It’s called bestiality and is against the law, even in that liberal wasteland known as Wisconsin.

Hathaway, of course, has hired an attorney who is advancing a very unique defense: Because the deer in question was dead at the time, his lawyer argues, Hathaway should not face a misdemeanor rap of sexual gratification with an animal.

Other relevant facts: The deer was about three years old in animal terms, making it 21 in human terms—clearly not a case of underage sex.

In addition, since the deer is unable to testify otherwise, it must be assumed that the sexual encounter was consensual!

By the way, in case there was any question: Wisconsin is a blue state!