Saturday, August 26, 2006

Are You Thinking of Becoming a Liberal? Consider These Facts

By John W. Lillpop

With Republican approval ratings in crash-landing mode, distraught conservatives are anxiously searching for answers.

What are the options? One can either move to Australia or commit suicide. Some really desperate folks are even thinking of becoming liberals!

To those undecided between suicide and becoming a liberal, please consider the inconsistency and irrational thinking needed to embrace the liberal agenda

* Execution of a convicted killer is cruel, unusual & barbaric;
whereas a woman’s right to abort the life of an innocent child
is inalienable.

* Starving an innocent victim like Terri Schaivo to death is acceptable;
using lethal injection to end the life of a brutal killer is not.

* Burning Old Glory is acceptable free speech, whereas
conservatives like Rush Limbaugh routinely engage in
unacceptable “hate speech.”

* Skyrocketing gasoline prices devastate working American families,
but protecting wild animals and obscure organisms is a greater priority.

* Large profits are obscenely un-American, except when enjoyed by
George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Hollywood stars, and other liberals.

* Conservatives working to preserve American culture are bigoted hate mongers, but the "cultural heritage" of new immigrants must be protected and celebrated at all costs.

* Discrimination based on race or gender is wrong. Except when
it is waged against Caucasian men, in which case it is mandated by
law & called Affirmative Action.

* Invading a foreign nation is wrong, except when illegal aliens from Mexico invade America.

* Those who believe English should be the official American language are "racist," whereas Hispanics who prefer Spanish to English are perfectly justified because diversity is enriching and good.

* The earning power of American citizens is in sharp decline;
still, the U.S. should grant amnesty to millions of illegal aliens who
will work for lower wages and without benefits.

* Blocking the sale of port security to UAE was necessary to protect
homeland security, but securing the border with Mexico would
“scapegoat” Hispanics.

* Illegal aliens should be licensed to drive-- to avoid breaking the law by
driving illegally.

* Freedom of speech must never be repressed, except when
“hurtful” to any constituency of the Democrat party, in which case
it becomes hate speech.

* Tax cuts are wrong when money is returned to people
who actually paid taxes, but perfectly fine when sent to those
who paid none.

* All symbols of Christianity must be quashed so as to offend no one, whereas
all things Islamic must be heavily promoted in the name of religious awareness, diversity, & tolerance.

* Businesses are oppressive, fascist institutions and must not
be allowed to become too large. On the other hand, government when run by
Democrats, creates wealth & happiness and should be expanded as much as possible.

* Military force must never be used, except when needed to
advance interests not vital to the United States, or to obscure
a Democrat president’s sexual misconduct in the Oval Office.

Think about it-- Are you mindless enough to be a liberal?

Or do you wish to borrow my handgun?

John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal.