Monday, August 28, 2006

Are You Going to San Francisco? Forget Flowers, Bring Poop Scoopers!

By John W. Lillpop

San Francisco has long been famous for excellent dining, cultural sophistication, “drop-dead” beautiful ocean and skyway views, and goofy politics. All of which makes The City the most popular tourist destination in America.

Immodestly referred to by locals as “The City That Knows how,” San Francisco is always in the news for some of its more edgy politics.

An example is the gun ban passed last November which, if enforced, would assure that law-abiding folks are defenseless against criminals who will simply ignore the silly law.

Or the recent demand by the Board of Supervisors that congress impeach President Bush. Other examples include the refusal of leftist nutcases to allow the U.S.S. Iowa to dock here, and same-sex nuptials presided over by the Mayor of San Francisco at City Hall.

On and on, the outrages and wackiness coming from Nancy Pelosi’s hometown continue to shock and awe the sensibilities of normal Americans, of whom there are precious few in The City.

So few, in fact, that president Bush has not been here since being elected America’s CEO. He has been to India and Pakistan, and plenty of other God-forsaken locales, but has never been to San Francisco as president.

Who says G.W. Bush is not the sharpest knife in the drawer?

But The City is outdoing itself with its latest nuttiness: Officials want to use dog poop as an energy source.

Why use dog poop to heat one’s home? Because there is plenty of it, some of which is apparently not lodged in the skulls of Mayor Newsome and the Board of Supervisors.

As it turns out, there are more dogs than kids in The City, an inevitable outcome in a community with such a large gay population.

So, San Francisco officials are going to try an experiment whereby dog droppings are tossed into a methane digester for creating methane gas. The gas would then be piped to a stove, heater, turbine of other device powered by natural gas. Electricity could also be generated.

There is just one glitch: How do you get man’s best friend to deposit his/her droppings into that methane digester, rather than on the neighbor’s front lawn?

Officials admit that that is the tricky part, but say they are working 24/7 on it.

John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal.