"Granny Diplomacy" Hits Bump in Road to Damascus

satire by John W. Lillpop


Speaker Nancy Pelosi's much ballyhooed middle east mission to "make the world safer" was apparently marred by a failure often experienced by people in the later stages of life.

It's called a "senior moment" and causes the victim--in this case Pelosi--to lose all conscious memory and reasoning power.

In Pelosi's case, the loss was not all that great because there was not an abundance of either commodity in her liberal-infested cranium to begin with.

But a senior moment is the only plausible explanation for the kerfuffle created by the speaker over the past week.

Here is how Speaker Pelosi managed to mangle the peace process and set diplomacy back at least two generations:

Although Pelosi proudly marched into her meeting with Syrian President Assad and boldly announced a new peace message from Israel's Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, the Speaker's diplomatic triumph was lacking in one vital detail:

It was simply not true!

Indeed, Olmert's office issued a rare "clarification" Wednesday that contradicted Speaker Pelosi's claim. In other words, America's most powerful woman is incapable of grasping and accurately communicating a simple message.

Here:

Bottom line: Absolutely nothing has changed in Israel and nothing will change in Syria just because a meddling old woman with dementia and botox poisoning has decided to save the world with "granny diplomacy."

To her credit, Pelosi stood up and took responsibility for the disconnect. She blamed an incompetent aide for forgetting to remind Pelosi to take her memory medicines last Saturday, which led directly to her faulty recollection of Olmert's message.

How comforting to know that the very future of the planet and its six billion human residents rests with an aging feminist who cannot distinguish between peace and terrorism in her addled old brain!

On a more positive note, former President Jimmy Carter praised Speaker Pelosi for her acheivement and opined that the garbled message was probably the result of a bold face lie on the part of the Jews, including Olmert.

Carter urged Pelosi to continue to use "granny diplomacy" until the world reaches the enlightened state of consciousness enjoyed by most residents of San Francisco.

America's best known peanut farmer and worst ex-president also compared the Pelosi trip to Damascus with that of Saul in biblical times. Saul, it will be recalled, was converted to Christianity on the road to Damascus, and became a major figure in the Christian movement.

"Pelosi's visit to Damascus may eventually be just as historic as that of Saul," Carter declared.

That may be true, but first Pelosi will have to remember where in the hell she is, and what she is supposed to say!

Meanwhile, President Bush announced receipt of an official letter from Syrian President Bashar al-Assad about Speaker Pelosi. Mr. Bush released the following reply to the Syrian terrorist:


April 4, 2007

President Bashar Assad
Damascus, Syria


Yo! Bashar,

We are in recent of your communiqué, dated April 4, 2007, in which Syria announces that Speaker Nancy Pelosi of the United States has been taken captive and is being held by your government.

Although we appreciate your desire to cooperate with the United States in this delicate matter, your offer to release Speaker Pelosi unharmed is categorically and firmly rejected.

To begin with, it is, and shall remain, the policy of the United States to never negotiate with terrorists.

Based on her recent attempts to force my administration to surrender to the enemy in Iraq, Speaker Pelosi is now officially considered a terrorist, at least by this office.

As such, Ms. Pelosi is no longer welcome in America.

We believe that Ms. Pelosi's anti-American attitudes and behavior are a perfect match for Syria, and most especially your administration. We encourage you to work with Ms. Pelosi to find a suitable position for her in your government.

Moreover, your offer to terminate all financial, military, and tactical support to terrorists in the middle east is unacceptable and is also rejected.

Your demand that we take Speaker Pelosi back is just too steep a price to pay for peace.

We are encouraged by the fact that Syria has chosen a diplomatic and peaceful course of action in this matter. Although we cannot accept either of your offers at this time, conditions may change after the November, 2008 elections.

I have asked my Secretary of State, Dr. Rice, to contact you directly in mid-November, 2008 to discuss the matter further.

In the meanwhile, I wish you all the best in dealing with Speaker Pelosi.

Please advise the speaker that we hope she finds herself in Syria. Please also tell her that Laura compliments her on that Maple Leaf-studded headscarf.

Sincerely,

G.W Bush

Good luck in Syria, Speaker Pelosi!



John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

G.W. Bush Calls Syrian President al-Assad About Speaker Pelosi

Satire by John W. Lillpop


President Bashar Assad
Damascus, Syria


Yo! Bashar,

We are in receipt of your communiqué, dated April 4, 2007, in which Syria announces that Speaker Nancy Pelosi of the United States has been taken captive and is being held by your government.

Although we appreciate your desire to cooperate with the United States in this delicate matter, your offer to release Speaker Pelosi unharmed is categorically and firmly rejected.

To begin with, it is, and shall remain, the policy of the United States to never negotiate with terrorists.

Based on her recent attempts to force my administration to surrender to the enemy in Iraq, Speaker Pelosi is now officially considered a terrorist, at least by this office. As such, Ms. Pelosi is no longer welcome in America.

We believe that Ms. Pelosi's anti-American attitudes and behavior are a perfect match for Syria, and most especially your administration. We encourage you to work with Ms. Pelosi to find a suitable position for her in your government.

Moreover, your offer to terminate all financial, military, and tactical support to terrorists in the middle east is unacceptable and is also rejected.

Again, your demand that we take Speaker Pelosi back is just too steep a price to pay for peace.

We are encouraged by the fact that Syria has chosen a diplomatic and peaceful course of action in this matter. Although we cannot accept either of your offers at this time, conditions may change after the November, 2008 elections.

I have asked my Secretary of State, Dr. Rice, to contact you directly in mid-November, 2008 to discuss the matter further.

In the meanwhile, I wish you all the best in dealing with Speaker Pelosi.

Please advise the speaker that we hope she finds herself in Syria. Please also tell her that Laura compliments her on that Maple Leaf-studded headscarf.

Sincerely,

G.W Bush
President of 'Merica


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Misundestimating Nancy Pelosi

by John W. Lillpop


The events of March 23, 2007 will surely go down in history as pivotal in defining what America stands for and what Americans are willing to fight for.

For the first time in history, a feminist with "Special Olympics" capabilities held the Speaker's gavel in the U.S. House and played a major role in defining anti-American foreign policy.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-California) did the moment proud.

To begin with, Pelosi made it clear that all the talk about Iraq being a rerun of Viet Nam is more than just anti-Bush rhetoric.

In fact, Pelosi authenticated the analogy by leading her party into a quagmire of anti-war malfeasance similar to what Democrats did to America in the 1970s.

The final vote was Jihad 218, American troops 212. America's first female speaker has thus spoken, and left an indelible mark on American war politics.

However, a critical question remains: Did Pelosi speak for or against America?

In addition to the "firsts" surrounding Pelosi's personal demographics, the vote marks the first time in history that the U.S. House has attempted to surrender via C-Span television.

With 18 months remaining until the Pelosi term ends, concession politics by way of satellite may become fairly common, especially now that the C-Span signal (with Arabic sub-titles) can be received in Afghan caves by Islamofascist subscribers.

To those who tend to misunderestimate Pelosi, be reminded that only 14 Democrats voted with the GOP on this vital issue.

This is a clear sign that Pelosi cannot only count to 218, but that she knows how to use cajoling, jawboning, and pork-bribes in order to defeat America.

Today's historic vote reaffirms the precipitous decline of the Democrat party from the days of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Scoop Jackson, and General Douglas MacArthur, to a party now featuring the likes of John Murtha, Maxine Waters, and Dennis Kucinich.

With the heady days of Camelot gone forever, the Democrat party is now a collection of outcasts and clowns led by a House Speaker who would, if she could, slash $300 billion from the war on terror and homeland security, and give the money to illegal aliens.

Still, there is some hope: Voters can force the liberal buffoons and enemies of America to withdraw from Washington, D.C., at the next election.

Mark down November 4, 2008 as a "Date Certain" that those who love America can support and look forward to!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Speaker Pelosi Addresses Obesity Versus Hunger in America

By John Lillpop

Immediately after engineering the non-binding resolution on the floor of the U.S. House that provided victory for al-Qaeda, Speaker Pelosi boarded a commercial flight bound for San Francisco.

As a resident of the Bay Area, I was able to catch up with the Speaker after her flight arrived at SFO Airport. Pelosi graciously agreed to the following interview in the lounge at the airport.

John:
Welcome home, Speaker Pelosi. You have been making a lot of news over these past several weeks!

Speaker Pelosi:
Thank you, John. Yes, we promised a new day in America and we are living up to our promises! The best is yet to come.

John:
Do you worry that the American public will see this as a partisan "piling on" against President Bush? More of a personal vendetta than a professional policy dispute?

Speaker Pelosi:
Not at all. I have always said that George W. Bush seems like an affable, good-natured sort of guy. I would not want my sister to marry a Bush, but that is another story.

My problem with the president has nothing to do with personalities--we hate Bush because he is so damn stupid.

John:
Thank you for clarifying that, Speaker Pelsoi.

Now, Madam Speaker, one of the hottest issues of the day is obesity versus hunger.

On the one hand, we are warned that obesity threatens to deliver an epidemic of medical problems like diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and on and on. The California legislature has jumped into the fray and is legislating what foods can and cannot be sold at schools. Governments all across the nation are passing laws to eliminate Trans fats.

On the other hand, we are told that hunger has never been higher and that millions of children go to bed hungry every night.

From your perspective, what is the truth?

Speaker Pelosi:
Actually, the answer is pretty much the same as the money problem in America. Namely, all the wrong people have the food these days.

Although I do not have the exact numbers in front of me, John, I am sure that most fat people are Republicans, people of means who have everything handed to them.

By the same token, people who go hungry are almost always Democrats and people of color. It's the insidious "Haves versus have nots," again.

John:
So what is the solution? Is there a reasonable solution?

Speaker Pelosi:
Well, Senator Reid and I have drafted new legislation to face the issue head on.

Here is how it will work. Luxury foods and beverages like low-fat hamburger, caviar, and expensive wines are bought and consumed exclusively by white Republican Christians.

As a result, those luxury products will be subjected to a "Health and Happiness" surcharge. Scores of billions of dollars in extra revenue will thus flow into the federal coffers.

We will then take that surcharge money for a new food stamp program. Eligibility requirements are as follows: Applicants must be a "people of color" minority, non-English speaking, non-citizens. Preferences will be given to those who are here illegally, those who look like terrorists, gays and transvestites, and Islamic extremists.

John:
Wow. That seems quite comprehensive. But what about the discrimination through racial profiling built into your food stamp program? Is this not blatant discrimination?

Speaker Pelosi: (Giggling)
Heavens no, John. This is affirmative action, San Francisco style!

John:
Thank you for your time, Speaker Pelosi.

Speaker Pelosi:
Not at all. Thank you, John.


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Pelosi Greeted by Dancing and Singing in the Streets of Baghdad!

John W. Lillpop


Before the U.S. military invaded Iraq in 2003, confident members of the Bush administration predicted that American troops would be greeted by singing and dancing in the streets.

Vice President Dick Cheney was quoted as saying, "I really do believe we will be greeted as liberators."

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,438860,00.html

Ask any Democrat and you will be informed that the vice president was wildly off the mark, and that the Iraqi people actually viewed our brave troops as perfect examples of "The Ugly American."

Liberals will tell you that no one celebrated the arrival of U.S. forces.

That is, until Speaker Pelosi arrived in Baghdad on Friday. When word of the Speaker's arrival spread, Baghdad was inundated with revelers who delivered on the promise that there would be "dancing and singing in the streets."

Unfortunately, the celebrants were all insurgents, or to be more accurate, terrorists, including thugs from Al-Quaeda. That would be the same Al-Quaeda that Pelosi continues to insist has never been, and will never be,
in Iraq.

Others joining in the festive party making include Jihadists sent by Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, terrorists sent by Syria's President Bashar al-Asad, and a special greeting envoy sent by Osama bin Laden.

Pelosi has not been touted by this many criminals and social untouchables since San Francisco natives went ballistic over her reelection last November.

Of course the Iranians, Syrians, Iraqi insurgents, and Osama's hit men were deliriously happy to see Pelosi in town. They realize that the Speaker is on their side and will do anything, and everything, to prevent President Bush from winning the war.

In fact, the terrorists regard Pelosi so highly that they had planned to designate her as an honorary imam, the only woman so honored.

But when Pelosi attempted to pull the niqab veil over her head, she found that the garment was about five sizes too small.

Pelosi staffers deny that the Speaker's head has grown that much since her coronation on January 5.

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Nancy in Wonderland

John W. Lillpop

Since her leap over and through the glass ceiling last week, Speaker Nancy Pelosi has unveiled a legislative agenda that would, if enacted, make Washington, D.C. the socialism capitol of the world.

Madam Speaker has drawn a line in the sand to mark her territory, and that of the ignoble left, by wrapping herself around incredibly foolish notions like these:

* The war on terror is being waged everywhere in the world—except in Iraq.

* It is OK to deny funds for additional troops in Iraq, because America has no vital interests there.

* America does have a vital interest in granting amnesty to 20 million illegal aliens here from the third world.

* Although denying funds for additional troops is acceptable, there should be no limit to the taxpayer money spent to accommodate invading criminals from Mexico.

* Anyone with the temerity, drive, ingenuity, and gall to earn more than $500,000 a year is clearly un-American, and is probably a greater threat to homeland security than Osama bid Laden himself.

* Excessively successful people must be taxed excessively as punishment for embarrassing the unwashed, less talented working class, and to discourage other bright people from becoming overly capitalistic.

And so America sets off on this zany venture into the world of extremism, otherwise known as Nancy in Wonderland.

May God watch over us, one and all, for the next two years.

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Nancy Pelosi Celebrates End to 200 Year Wait (Satire)

by John W. Lillpop

Never ask a woman her age, according to the old wives tale, unless you are prepared for an estrogen-fueled, hysterical response of epic proportions.

And, quite probably, a huge lie as well.

But what about when the woman inadvertently reveals her age? What are the consequences of pursuing the topic once she has indicted herself?

These pressing questions are particularly pertinent now that America has its first female Speaker of the U.S. House. That would be San Francisco’s contribution to the socialist takeover and ruination of America, Nancy Pelosi.

In a surprisingly candid discussion of her age, Pelosi said this of her coronation: "It is a moment for which we have waited more than 200 years.”

You have waited two hundred years, Ms. Speaker?

That would mean that Pelosi was born right around 1807.

You certainly could have fooled me. With all that botox and plastic surgery masking the “real” Nancy, my guess would have been 150 years, at the outside.

Still, Pelosi deserves her victory lap and the chance to bask in the glory of this triumph of feminist nazism over common sense and logic.

Enjoy it while you can, Madam Speaker. It’s most unlikely that you will be around to celebrate the next milestone of feminine power, the election of America’s first female president in 2206, or shortly thereafter!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

An Interview with Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi (Satire)

John W. Lillpop







Just hours before her coronation as Speaker-elect, Nancy Pelosi sat down with John Lillpop of the LillSatire news conglomerate to discuss her historic rise to power. The transcript of that interview follows:


John:

Welcome, Madam Speaker-elect, and congratulations on your history-making achievement.

Nancy:

Thank you, John. It’s a pleasure to be here.

John:

If I can, Ms. Pelosi, I would like to get your analysis of the single-most pressing issue facing America as you prepare to take control of the U.S. House.

Nancy:

That is an excellent question. In my view, the greatest problem facing our nation is this: All the wrong people have the money these days.

John:

Ms. Pelosi? Can you elaborate and tell our readers how you plan to address this issue?

Nancy:

Well, it’s really quite simple if you think about it. The rich and powerful have all the money—and they are simply the wrong people to be entrusted with so much wealth.
We Democrats plan to change that wealth dynamic through a series of bills designed to redistribute wealth to the poor and downtrodden, the less fortunate.

John:

Does that mean higher taxes?

Nancy:

Only for the filthy rich. Any family that makes more than $20,000 a year is living a pampered lifestyle, and needs to sacrifice more for the common good. We intend to balance the playing field by taxing the rich and funneling their money to the poor.

John:

What about spending? Are Democrats committed to frugality?

Nancy:

Absolutely! We are already working on landmark legislation to essentially disembowel the FBI, CIA, Pentagon, Homeland Security, and other “non-essential” services.

Eliminating these departments will free up hundreds of billions for vital services needed by America’s poor and needy.

John:

What programs will be funded for the poor and needy after you make those cuts?

Nancy:

John, this nation has 47 million uninsured people to worry about. We have 20 million illegal aliens from Mexico who are very needy and poor. We have countless homeless who need cars, homes, education, access to inexpensive drugs, and the list goes on and on.

John:

But what about the war on terror? The cuts you propose all seem to come at the expense of America’s defense and security.

Nancy:

Actually, the war on terror is a myth fabricated and disseminated by the Bush administration to send hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to Halliburton and other GOP fat cat corporations. There is no terrorist threat to America.

John:

But what about 9/11, Ms. Speaker-elect?

Nancy:

We have secured “Top Secret” documents from informants on the 9/11 Commission which indicate that 9/11 was a management conspiracy in the controller’s towers in Boston, New York City, and Washington, D.C. 9/11 was nothing more than an attempt at union busting by anti-labor airline management.


John:

Incredible. Can that information be made public so that the American people can see your proof?

Pelosi:

As I said, the documents are “Top Secret.” So America will just have to trust John Murtha, John Kerry, and me to tell the truth.

John:

Another sizzling issue seems to be gay marriage. America is very divided on this—what are your beliefs?

Nancy:

I have a personal commitment to see that gay people have the same rights as all other Americans. We are a great people who did the right thing with respect to racial and gender discrimination. Now we need to emancipate gay people from the yoke of discrimination.


John:

What about adoptions by gay couples?

Nancy:

Actually, I have a very personal answer to that question. You see, my parents are gay—my father is a gay man, and mum is a lesbian. Both mum and dad had high-visibility jobs where their sexual orientation could not be made public. Thus, they married for convenience—a cover for both of them.

John:

So you were conceived as the result of a gay union?

Nancy:

It’s a tad bit more complicated than that. Mum and dad decided to forego the traditional “consummation” of their marriage for obvious reasons. But they wanted desperately to have a child.

So I was adopted and raised by a gay couple--and look how I turned out!

John: (Choking).

Excuse me, Ms. Pelosi. I see our time has elapsed. Thank you for coming here today.

Nancy:

Thank you, John.


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

satirebyjwl

About That “Mandate,” Ms. Pelosi

John W. Lillpop

In the weeks following the November elections, Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi has boldly announced the arrival of a “New Day in America,” now that Democrats are the majority party in both the U.S. House and Senate.

Although she has not said so in as many words, Pelosi has implied that the election results represent a “mandate” from the American people. If so, that must mean that the American people want and expect:

* Abandonment of racial profiling, domestic spying, and other programs vital to the war on terror, when such activities “offend” minority groups

* Higher taxes and scores of billions of additional taxpayer dollars for new domestic social programs

* Unilateral downsizing of American military capabilities and resources, with greater reliance on diplomacy and “talking”

* Open borders and less enforcement of immigration laws

* Wider access to, and fewer restraints on, abortions

* Marriage as an option for any combination of men, women, and beasts that choose to be manacled and who can pay the marriage tax

* Dilution of American language and culture through surrender to those who hate America and who favor multilingual and multicultural values

* Dismantling of the oil and automobile industries because of global warming concerns, and

* More compassionate, sympathetic tactics in waging war against an enemy that is fanatically committed to loping off the head of any American who is not an Islamofascist

To her credit, Pelosi appears to honestly believe that her liberal follies would be good for America. To her discredit, she is warped enough to believe that the American people agree with her.

With the exception of the San Francisco Bay Area, Nancy Pelosi’s ideas are considered extreme and downright goofy. In most congressional districts, even in California, Pelosi would be unelectable.

Still, the people have spoken and Pelosi is the Speaker-elect.

But just how loud was the voice of the people, and how much of a mandate have the people given Democrats? How far to the left do Americans want their government to drift?

Or were the election results primarily a reflection of voter rage over the war in Iraq and President Bush, with little actual enthusiasm for a massive infusion of liberalism into Washington, D.C.?

All of these questions are nearly impossible to answer at this point.

However, one can get a sense of just how limited the “Pelosi Mandate” is by looking at the final election results for the eighth California Congressional district available at http://vote.ss.ca.gov/Returns/usrep/0800.htm


Nancy Pelosi (D) 148,435
Mike DeNunzio (R) 19,800
Kristine Keefer (G) 13,653
Philip Z. Berg (L) 2,751

Pelosi’s tally obviously includes illegal aliens, the dearly departed, convicted felons, and other party stalwarts who voted Pelosi early and often on November 7.

Forgetting the impact of voter fraud for the moment, it is truly remarkable that once she is sworn in, Pelosi will be third in line for succession to the U.S. presidency, based on just 148,435 wrong-headed votes from San Francisco.

Or think of it this way: If just 112,232 additional San Franciscans had voted for Mike DeNunzio instead of Nancy Pelosi, Pelosi would be fishing off pier 39 at Fisherman’s Wharf, instead of making plans to ruin America.

A “mandate,” Ms. Speaker-elect? Don’t you believe it!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Nancy Pelosi’s Modest Coronation Plans

by John W. Lillpop

Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi, Democrat from California, has big, expensive plans for commemorating her ascension to the head of the “People’s House” in early January.

Indeed, the bug-eyed lady from San Francisco has slated a four-day gala of pomp and circumstance that will make the installation of Pope Benedict XVI by the Vatican seem rigidly austere by comparison.

To begin with, the San Francisco Chamber of Commerce and Labor Council delegation of 50 people will be jetting back East to participate in the first coronation of a queen in American history—excepting only the first swearing-in ceremony for Barney Frank several years ago.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom plans to be in Washington, D.C., as well, and this icon of decency and rule of law will perform emergency weddings for any same sex couples that just cannot wait. Provide proof that you voted Democrat in at least five successive elections, and Da Mayor will throw in an autographed picture of Mark Foley at no extra charge.

Former state Senate President Pro-Tem John Burton, who also served in the House and is one of Pelosi's closest political advisers, will travel to Washington. Burton’s role will be to certify and notarize, for posterity, the official turnover of America to the enemy.

The main event is scheduled for noon on January 4, when the U.S. House meets to elect Pelosi in a formal process expected to take several hours. On the evening of January 4, Pelosi will be honored at a concert/fundraiser for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. Admittance will be pricey, at $15,000.

The steep ticket price was necessary to keep the party’s core constituency—homeless bums, drug addicts, welfare cheats, convicted felons, illegal aliens, et al.--from crashing. Therefore, an “entertainment tax” of $14,999 per ticket seemed to make perfect sense, at least to warped liberals.

On the morning of January 5, Pelosi will be the host for a "People's House'' event in the historic Cannon Caucus Room across from the Capitol. She will spend an hour or two meeting and greeting anyone who wants to line up to say hello—excepting, of course, Republicans and miscreants from the party base identified above.

After that, it is simply a matter of time until Pelosi and Harry Reid, her co-conspirator in the U.S. Senate, ruin America’s economy, military, homeland security, foreign policy, space program, moral values, and funnel any remaining funds in the U.S. treasury to poor illegal aliens from Mexico.

Still, this is the will of the people. Right?

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Dear Nancy Pelosi: Guess Who Is Coming Back to the U.S. House?

John W. Lillpop



Nancy Pelosi’s much touted “Culture of Corruption” was originally conceived as a lily-white, Republicans only club that Democrats could point to with self-righteous indignation while claiming moral and ethical superiority.

Unfortunately for Pelosi, the real poster child for corruption is an African-American Democrat named William J. Jefferson. For those who may have lost track, Jefferson is the U.S. Representative from Louisiana who was apparently caught on video accepting $100,000 in bribes, most of which allegedly ended up in Jefferson’s freezer.

Because of his ethics challenges, Jefferson was unable to win outright re-election on November 7, and was thus pitted against Democrat Kate Carter in a runoff election held December 8.

In an amazing recovery, Jefferson has come back to haunt Pelosi and the Democrats by handily winning that runoff election. With 96 percent of precincts reporting, Jefferson led Carter by 57 percent to 43 percent in the heavily Democratic black-majority district that takes in most of New Orleans and some close-in suburbs.

Go here: http://www.cqpolitics.com/2006/12/jefferson_weathers_scandal_win.html#more

So now what do you plan to do, Ms. Speaker-elect? What happened to that “New Day in America” that you promised?

How about an investigation to determine if Jefferson used that $90,000 in frozen assets to fund his campaign?

Or to capitalize on the season, why not invoke remembrances of the original Three Wise Men by sending Jefferson, John Murtha, and Alcee Hastings on a fact-finding mission to Baghdad---outside the “Green Zone?” All traveling with one-way tickets?

Nancy Pelosi may ultimately overcome this bit of bad news. Still, it is comforting to know that her “Culture of Corruption” blathering may come back to haunt Pelosi in the form of William J. Jefferson.

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Pelosi “Drains the Swamp” and Finds John Murtha: Democrats Not Amused!

John W. Lillpop

Just nine days after Democrats regained control of the U.S. House, Nancy Pelosi, Speaker-elect, wagered all of her prestige, honor, and political capitol in order to support a perfect poster boy for corruption. That would be John Murtha, the thug Pelosi thought would make a great Majority Leader.

Pelosi’s misstep gives credence to Michael Savage’s argument that “Liberalism is a mental disorder!”

Having just won a bitterly fought election, due in large part to Republican malfeasance, the self-appointed watchdog over the “Culture of Corruption” jumped in bed with one of the most sleazy, corrupt politicians in Washington, D.C.

Mind you, Pelsoi is sixty-six and on the verge of depleting the world’s supply of botox on her own. Thus, John Murtha may very well be the best offer she can hope for.

If this were a television series, it would be called “Desperate House Speaker.”

Then again, there must be a more practical answer. For example, maybe Pelosi and John Kerry have been sharing the same bottled water and or Prozac prescription--how else to explain really untoward political clumsiness?

But give House Democrats credit—they throttled Pelosi’s corrupt nominee by a count of 149-86, thereby crowning Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD) as Majority Leader.

For those of us who live in the San Francisco Bay Area, a crucial question emerges: Is this just the first round of insane moves by the bug-eyed Speaker from San Francisco?

Are we Bay Area residents destined to suffer through two years of constant humiliation and embarrassment at the hands of this woman whose place should be in the home—but not the House?


John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

My Fellow Americans, Fret Not About Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi

By John Lillpop



Now that Nancy Pelosi has shattered the gender barrier, glass ceiling, and incredulity index all in one fell swoop, ordinary Americans are starting to worry that she may be just a tad too liberal to be second in the succession line for the U.S. presidency.

After all, Comrade Nancy does hail from San Francisco—the only American city that tried to join the former USSR, but was rejected because Moscow found folks here too far to the left.

Rest assured, fellow citizens, Speaker-elect Pelosi poses no threat to the America that we all know and love. At least not yet.

For the purpose of calming the minds and stomachs of those fearing the worse when Nancy Pelosi is crowned to take over, several common myths and exaggerations concerning San Francisco liberalism must be debunked.

To wit, contrary to popular belief:

• It is NOT a felony to vote Republican in San Francisco, although it is a misdemeanor to register, with the knowing intent of voting for a Republican at a future date.

• A special permit is NOT required to fly Old Glory--except on Cinco de Mayo day when the Mexican flag is preeminent, and is not to be mocked with vulgar displays of excessive Americanism.

• Speaking English is NOT a hate crime, except at fast-food restaurants, car washes, emergency rooms, and when speaking to Hispanics obviously here illegally.

• Displaying the logo of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines does NOT violate city ordinances, unless one does so with an arrogant, “America First,” George W. Bush-type of attitude.

• Attending a Christian church does NOT automatically subject one to higher property taxes: There is an appeals process available.

• Law enforcement job applicants are NOT required to prove that they are transvestite, gay, handicapped, or a racial minority to qualify.

• Working at Wal-Mart is NOT against city law, provided one can prove he or she is an illegal alien from Mexico.

• Abortions are NOT available on those fabulous cable cars, but may be arranged at most self-serve gas stations and progressive piano bars.

• Young Middle Eastern males who speak Arabic are NOT a protected minority until they have first been arrested and charged with a terrorist act.

• Being a straight, white, employed Christian male does NOT require one to notify the police before moving into a new neighborhood, or to be listed on a government web site.

• Securing a driver’s license does NOT automatically enroll one as a dues-paying member of the ACLU, and

• Convicted sex offenders moving into San Francisco are NOT automatically registered to vote as Democrats: They have 30 days in which to join the party and register.

So while liberalism is a severe mental disorder that will significantly impact Nancy Pelosi’s judgment, the good news is…. Heck, there is no good news!

Run for your bloody lives!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, “clean and sober” since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Bush and Pelosi to Form Nonpartisan Mensa Chapter?

In the grand tradition of American democracy, President Bush and Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi buried the hatchet, shook hands, and agreed to work together during lunch at the White House. In today's ceremony, the hatchet was figurative only, as the president’s doctor has forbidden him from handling sharp, dangerous objects since around 10 PM on election night.

In less civilized societies, a bitter political campaign like the one just concluded in America might find opponents still at each other’s throats with continued violence a real possibility.

In fact, if America were operating under Islamic Shari law, Bush would have had the option of stoning Pelosi to death for failing to cover her face in public. All things considered, keeping Pelosi’s kisser under wraps would probably be a good idea, and in the best interest of the American people.

Rumor has it that Bush considered stoning, but in the end decided that it would be “cruel and unusual,” even though the target would be a deserving liberal.

In other words, Bush lacked the stones to do the stoning. Besides, the president will need a well-rested right arm in January to fulfill his constitutional duty as veto- commander-in-chief, a title that has tragically gone missing since Bush assumed office in 2001.

Moreover, this is America, and we are the world’s leaders when it comes to civility, diplomacy, and compromise! It’s in our DNA to cooperate with even our most despicable and nasty foes.

To illustrate this principle, President Bush and Speaker-elect Pelosi made several public gestures of reciprocity and nonpartisan goodwill including:

* Pelosi agreed to tutor Bush on pronouncing “nuclear,” and Bush will teach Pelosi to blink.

* Pelosi gave Bush a copy of “Alcoholics Anonymous,” and he presented her with “House Keeping for Dummies.”

* On a more personal level, Pelosi gifted Bush with a dozen-used razor blades wrapped in a tally sheet showing the final Democrat and GOP head counts in the House and Senate. Bush gave Pelosi a make-up kit with mascara that melts when exposed to bright lights for more than 12 seconds, like at an historic swearing-in ceremony, for example.

And in a final testament to their new bonding, Bush and Pelosi announced the formation of a new Mensa chapter in Washington, D.C. with the president and speaker-elect appointed as permanent co-chairs, at least until Bush is removed from office by Pelosi’s impeachment machine.

The only “down moment” came when Bush discovered Pelosi in the Oval Office measuring the windows for drapes and matching the carpet coloring with shades of her lipstick.

Even then, civility prevailed as the president politely excused himself, saying only that he needed to find a rock quarry, a jack hammer, and a Muslim cleric with a powerful throwing arm as soon as possible!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Can You Say Nancy Pelosi, President of the United States?

By John W. Lillpop





When U.S. President Harry S. Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act of 1947, the “man from Independence” surely did so with the best interests of the American people in mind. But the feisty thirty-third president could not have imagined the potential impact of that act 60 years later.

The bill signed by President Truman revised the order for succession to the presidency. Under the revised law, the U.S. Speaker of the House is in line for succession to the presidency, after the vice president.

For a full description of the order of presidential succession go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_line_of_succession

No one anticipates that either George Bush or Dick Cheney will die anytime soon, and certainly it seems most unlikely that both men would expire at or about the same time.

Nonetheless, prudence dictates that we remain mindful of the fact that Dick Cheney has a history of serious heart disease. And although George Bush seems in excellent physical health, he did just turn 60 years old, and has been, and continues to be, under enormous stress owing to everything from the war in Iraq to Mark Foley’s sexually explicit Instant Messages.

Although we Americans are loath to face it, the fact is that a tandem of terrible events could conspire to leave America without a president or vice president.

In that unlikely but catastrophic situation, the reign of U.S. power would automatically pass to Dennis Hastert, current speaker of the U.S. House.

However, if the Democrats were to gain majority status as a result of the November elections, that doomsday scenario would become even more of a nightmare because the new Speaker of the U.S. House would be none other than Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Democrat from California. She would thus become the forty-fourth President of the United States and the most powerful person on the planet.

Let me repeat that very slowly: If the Democrats regain majority status in the U.S. House, Nancy Pelosi would be in line to become president of the United States should tragedy befall the president and vice president.

Can you even imagine the bug-eyed Pelosi a mere two or threat heartbeats from the Oval Office?

Just the thought of a Pelosi presidency should cause all voters--regardless of party loyalty--to think twice, or more, before voting for any Democrat!

Can America Survive a Pelosi Political Plundering?

By John W. Lillpop







Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) has embarked on an ambitious agenda for “Cleaning the U.S. House” once she assumes control. There is, of course, the unfinished business of the November 7 elections to consider, but Congresswoman Pelosi regards the election itself to be a minor detail, unworthy of undue distraction.

To Americans still on the fence about the election, please think about the likely agenda that Pelosi would pursue:

Impeachment of George W. Bush

Pelosi and her supporters are all but guaranteed to impeach the president if elected. Pelosi is likely to make “swearing at George W. Bush” her first item of business after the obligatory “swearing in” of the new congress.

Withdrawal of Troops From Iraq

Once President Bush has been dealt with, Pelosi will move for the immediate withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Iraq. She will ask that the 150,000 troops in Iraq be placed on “stand by” for assignment to Haiti or other location where there is absolutely no legitimate American interest at stake.

Congresswoman Pelosi will also ask that American military force be available to seize any Wal-Mart store that refuses to cover 100% of employee health care costs, or to pay a minimum wage of $25 an hour.

Tax as You Go

To any liberal worth his or her weight in "Impeach George Bush!” bumper stickers, nothing is more distressing than a tax cut involving the return of money to those who actually paid taxes.

Mind you, Democrats see nothing morally or economically wrong with passing out tax refunds to illegal immigrants, the homeless, or others who paid no taxes to begin with.

Should the Democrats prevail next month, look for Nancy Pelosi to try to reverse the Bush tax cuts and push her mindless “pay as you go” scheme—which is really tax as you go!

Apology for “Ugly American” Behavior

Democrats would like nothing better than to issue a blanket apology to the world for America’s wrongheaded policies while Republicans controlled the White House and or either chamber of the Congress.

Such a declaration would specifically apologize to all Muslims, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, Kim Jong Il, leaders of the former USSR, and assorted other nice guys for the boorish, America first, behavior of Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and both U.S. presidents answering to the moniker George Bush.

Forgiveness of Terrorists

If Speaker Pelosi were to have her way, the United States would issue a formal statement of forgiveness to Osama bin Laden and the original 19 hijackers of 9/11 notoriety. The Pelosi statement would declare that, all things considered, America probably deserved 9/11.

The statement would include a thank-you message to bin Laden for delaying the World Trade Center attack until Bill Clinton was safely out of office, thereby allowing Democrats to blame George W. Bush for 9/11. Pelosi would also make it a federal “hate crime” to draw derisive cartoons, speak in a disparaging manner, or otherwise offend Islam, the prophet, Allah, the Koran, or Osama bin Laden.

Free Pilot Training

In the name of acceptance and to demonstrate that real Americans do not hold grudges, Ms. Pelosi would propose to provide free training and licenses to young Middle-Eastern men from terrorist-sponsoring nations who speak Arabic and who have always dreamed of flying jumbo jets. This program would not cover plane landings.

America’s New Manifest Destiny

In an attempt to chart a bold and exciting new direction to American history, Pelosi would propose a revised “Manifest Destiny” for the 21st century. Pelosi’s plan would entitle impoverished Latinos to enter the United States for whatever purpose, and at the time, date, and location of the migrants’ choosing.

In addition, anyone able to speak Spanish would be granted immediate U.S. citizenship, including voting rights, with no further qualification required. Pelosi would establish an “Open Borders” policy at our southern border, and makes it a federal “hate crime” to speak English when addressing illegal aliens with Hispanic surnames.

Land Grants to Illegal Aliens

This program would guarantee 160 acres of free land to each Latino family moving illegally to America.

Under the provisions of a new “Eminent domain” statute, the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) would be authorized to seize property owned by Caucasian Christians registered as Republicans, and to immediately Quit Claim deed such property to illegal aliens.

Transgender Surgeries

Sharing her liberal philosophy and experience as a San Francisco resident with the rest of the nation, Pelosi would insist on a federal program to subsidize transgender surgeries for anyone without the means to pay for this essential health service.

The program would cover up to three back and forth surgeries per person. After that, the matter would have to be resolved between the transgender and his/her/her/his/her/his (or whatever) God.

Jimmy Carter International Airport

Given the opportunity, Democrats would rename the Ronald Reagan International Airport the Jimmy Carter International Airport to commemorate the enormous contributions made the 39th U.S. president.

Pelosi would praise Carter for his “kinder, gentler” foreign policy, including his adroit handling of the Iranian crisis in 1978. She would ignore the fact that, without President Carter, there would be no Islamic terrorist threat in the world today.

Cosmetic Convenience Center on Capitol Hill

Yielding ever so slightly to her own personal vanity, Speaker Pelosi would work for the creation of a cosmetic convenience center on Capitol Hill. Pelosi's personal, full-time plastic surgeon would be housed in the convenience center.

This effort could easily develop into a nasty partisan battle because it would convert office space currently occupied by Republican lawmakers into tanning booths, botox operating rooms, and crisis “help” lines for transgender folks just out of surgery.

Although Pelosi’s more radical notions are still being drafted, this list should provide a red flag for any American who really cares about the future of our great nation!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Pelosi to Drain GOP Swamp, Backfill with Taxpayer Dollars

By John W. Lillpop



Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) seems spiritually uplifted by the raging “page” scandal gripping the nation. Indeed, there is an extra spring in the San Francisco liberal’s steps, more sparkle in her eyes, and she seems to be enjoying those breaking news bulletins about decadence and immorality engulfing Washington, D.C.

In her excited euphoria over the prospects for personal political gain, Congresswoman Pelosi seems to have lost sight of the fact that several innocent children have been harmed, perhaps permanently. Pelosi’s lust for the position of “Speaker of the House” in the next Congress is apparently more powerful than any concern for abused children.

Perhaps the stench of immorality reminds Pelosi of her beloved San Francisco? After all, the California congresswoman is accustomed to being surrounded by those who practice a perverted version of “Sex in the City,” so the current scandal probably makes her feel right at home.

Although Democrats have visions of retaking the House next month, that is not a given. Five weeks is an eternity in politics; nearly anything can happen over that term.

Nonetheless, Pelosi has already started work on her “Housing Cleaning” agenda. Her to-do list for “draining the GOP swamp” is reported in a story by CBSNews.com.

Go here.

The Pelosi swamp-draining list includes:

* Sever link between lobbyists and legislation.
* Enact all recommendations made by the 9/11 Commission.
* Raise the minimum wage to $7.25 an hour.
* Cut the interest rate on student loans in half.
* Allow government to negotiate directly with pharmaceutical companies.
* Broaden types of stem cell research allowed with federal funds.

To accomplish all of her socialist dreams on a “pay as you go” basis, Pelosi plans to roll back some of the Bush tax cuts.

Thus, her scheme is really “Tax as you go.”

Nobody has ever accused Nancy Pelosi of being the sharpest knife in the drawer. But her plans to remake America into a benevolent socialist state have been tried again and again in many foreign countries and found to be lacking.

Besides, Pelosi needs to face the fact that George W. Bush may find much useful life left in that veto pen that he has used only once in six years. Democrats are very unlikely to secure a veto-proof majority in both chambers, so Pelosi’s dreams are little more than nightmares-in-waiting for the bug-eyed liberal from la-la land.

Be careful, Ms. Pelosi, because draining those swamps may expose you and your Democratic colleagues to hungry alligators looking to feast on liberals for breakfast!

John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

A Woman’s Place Is in the Home—Not the House!

By John W. Lillpop



A Woman’s Place Is in the Home—not the House!

Among the more catchy slogans to date in the 2006 campaign is Nancy Pelosi’s assertion that “Perhaps it will take a woman to clean the house.”

With those words, the bug-eyed Democratic minority leader from San Francisco let it be known that she has her permanently dilated eyes focused on becoming the next Speaker of the House.

Make no mistake, Pelosi was not offering to scrub and wax the floors on Capitol Hill or to do the windows, even though she seems more suited for that line of work than controlling the speaker’s gavel.

Pelosi unveiled her play on words back in early spring as part of her “Culture of Corruption ” campaign designed to lead Democrats back to the land of milk and honey, also known as majority status in the House.

When Pelosi first introduced her strategy, Republicans like Tom DeLay, Randy “Duke” Cunningham, and Jack Abramoff were making negative headlines nearly every day. Calling Republicans the party of corruption did not seem that far-fetched or overly partisan.

Back then, one could reasonably conclude that Democrats deserved a chance to clean up the People’s House, which had become sullied by all those corrupt and corruptible Republicans.

Toss in the fact that the rehabilitated House would be lead by an aggressive woman, and you have a perfect setup for Nancy Pelosi’s ascent to the “A” team in Washington power politics.

But then a funny thing—several funny things, actually—happened to derail the Pelosi grand strategy. The crimes and peccadilloes of Democrats began to make the news: Slugging Capitol police, driving under the influence of drugs and or alcohol, accepting $100,000 in bribes on video, and hiding 90% of the bribe stash in home freezers.

The final straw came when Democrat Francine Busby, running to replace the incarcerated Cunningham, encouraged illegal immigrants to vote, and did so in front of a camera.

There was a “Culture of Corruption” all right, but its members were not just the lily-white, country-club Republicans Pelosi wanted so desperately to expose.

Instead, politicians with the letter D next to their names were turning Pelosi’s “Culture of Corruption” into something quite different from what she had planned—and not at all to her liking.

All of which proves that, at least in Pelosi’s case, a woman’s place is in the home—but not the House!


John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Are You Really Ready for Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House?

By John W. Lillpop






















Although the 2006 mid-term election season does not officially start until after Labor Day, recent polls indicate that there is enough to worry about right now. Example: Americans trust Democrats more than Republicans with
national security.

Stunningly, the issue that has catapulted Republicans into control over all branches of government has turned against the GOP. If the polls are to be believed, Democrats are actually poised to recapture the House and make gains in the U.S. Senate as well.

This is far more serious than a wake-up call. It’s a veritable
political tsunami that should cause a rush on Valium and barf bags in GOP campaign offices everywhere. It is a looming Armageddon with no hope of Rapture!

To those who think this is an overreaction, try saying “Nancy
Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives, ”
three times without gagging. Or contemplate a few likely committee chair assignments should Democrats prevail this November:

Homeland Security:
Barbara Lee

Veterans’ Affairs:
Barney Frank

Armed Services:
John Murtha

Judiciary:
John Conyers

International:
Maxine Waters

Have you had enough? Don’t forget such possible appointments as Zoe Lofgren, Patrick Kennedy, Charlie Rangel, Jerrold Nadler, Jim McDermott, Henry Waxman and on and on. It really reads like a directory for a zoo!

Remember, these leftist loonies stand ready to destroy what’s
left of America, given the chance. G.W. Bush would be impeached before his 2007 State of the Union. The war on terror would end abruptly with America’s surrender to Osama bin Laden before the end of the first week in January 2007.

Patriotic Americans who love this nation simply cannot give up and sit out the 2006 elections. The future of America and modern civilization itself is at stake!


John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal